yourgoddamnit - ( text ) Karkat: Turn stupid joke into game canon

Previous | Memories | Tell Someone | Next

15 January 2011 @ 12:59 am

( text ) Karkat: Turn stupid joke into game canon

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE DISCO HELL --

CG: I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS FOR ALL THE HOSTAGE VICTIMS ACROSS THIS NOT SO GLORIOUS LAND.
CG: THE MONSTER ISN'T AN INDESTRUCTIBLE AND FRANKLY TERRIFYING FORCE FROM A UNIVERSE I'M FAMILIAR WITH.
CG: WELL IT CAUSED COLOSSAL DESTRUCTION TO MY UNIVERSE TOO BUT THAT'S A LONG STORY.
CG: IT'S JUST A NORMAL VICIOUS MONSTER.
CG: THE BAD NEWS IS YOU'RE STILL FUCKED BECAUSE IT IS ONE TOUGH BEAST.
CG: ON THAT SUBJECT
CG: IN A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION
CG: WHERE MIGHT I FIND BANDAGES/STITCHES/MEDICAL SUPPLIES AND SHELTER WITHOUT BEING SEEN BY A SINGLE SOUL?
CG: IF I HYPOTHETICALLY HAD TO BE SEEN I WOULD HYPOTHETICALLY RATHER BLEED TO DEATH AND WAIT TO COME BACK.
CG: I ALSO HYPOTHETICALLY ACQUIRED A TALKING FLIPPERBEAST.
CG: WAIT THAT'S A LIE THAT'S NOT HYPOTHETICAL AT ALL.
CG: I FOUND A FUCKING TALKING PENGUIN.
CG: IT KEEPS A SAYING "DOOD."
CG: HE'S ANNOYING AS ALL HELL BUT HE IS MINE. I HAVE NAMED HIM BENFROMLOST. I'M NOT SURE WHY.
CG: I DON'T HAVE PSYCHIC COMMUNING SKILLS AND YET I FEEL AS THOUGH THIS WAS MEANT TO BE.
CG: SOMETHING RIGHT IN THE UNIVERSE HAS JUST OCCURRED.
CG: I'M BOTH ENRAGED AND CONTENT.
CG: THIS IS A STRANGE MIXTURE OF EMOTIONS.
CG: I WOULD LIKE SOMEONE TO GIVE ADVICE ON MY HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION BEFORE I HYPOTHETICALLY DIE AND HYPOTHETICALLY HAVE TO GO ON A QUEST TO RETRIEVE BENFROMLOST AFTER MY REVIVAL.
CG: OR WORSE, CREATE A PARADOX TIME LINE IN WHICH I'M ALIVE, THEREBY CREATING ANOTHER ME.
CG: NO ONE WANTS THAT. NO ONE. ESPECIALLY NOT ME.

139 comments | Leave a comment

( Post a new comment )

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 09:33 am (UTC)
LMFAO

B-benfromlost-san? [horrible I tell you]

Benfromlost-san! Are you certain this will work? If you do not wish for me to look, I can assure I am honorable enough to close my eyes, but ah....

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 09:38 am (UTC)

[ YOUR CALLING HAS SUMMONED THE PRINNY. All I know is that Prinnies like Hurley and thought the ending of the series was BS. I will research them further at a later date. ]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 05:35 pm (UTC)

[wow. Japan eyes the prinny. is this. really going to work.

passes the first aid kit over.]

Ah, he is here... I handed the kit to him, so please be sure he comes back. [WATCHES THE PRINNY]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 08:18 pm (UTC)

[ The Prinny is now trying to chat up Japan with whatever Prinnies who like Lost talk about. Probably something about that fucking island.

Meanwhile, Karkat is raging at Benfromlost's incompetence and slicing at Heartless inside one of the convenience stores.

You may distantly hear his furious efforts. ]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 08:28 pm (UTC)

...Benfromlost, please take this to CG-san!!

[silly little pet, your respect is dropped!! urging the Prinny towards the noise he faintly hears LMFAO nudge nudge push]

CG-san? Are you still there? Are you alright?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 08:34 pm (UTC)

[ DON'T NUDGE TOO HARD OR HE'LL EXPLODE!!!!

But at least he seems to be waddling in the right direction. Meanwhile, on Japan's communicator: ]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 08:45 pm (UTC)

[LIGHT NUDGING LIGHT NUDGING GOSH... watching him now.. and walking just a little with him...]

Is there further danger?! Is there any way I can help?!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 10:19 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 10:24 pm (UTC)

I can hear fighting, you realize! Ahhh, why must you hide so stubbornly? As a former hikkikomori, I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with meeting others..

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 10:35 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 10:38 pm (UTC)

Why is there an issue with seeing your blood? [just, stopping where he is now]

Ahhh, the kit is rather close, so please receive it!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)

[ Benfromlost disappears into the building, so Karkat's reply is a bit delayed. ]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:06 pm (UTC)

N-needle!?

[LMFAO YOU ARE SO CONFUSING, KID]

Ahhh, I will respect your privacy for now, but if you take too long to respond, I will assume the worst and attempt to help.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:09 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:11 pm (UTC)

Is that so.

[translation: WANNA BET.]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:13 pm (UTC)

[ translation: BITCH BACK THE FUCK OFF. ]

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:15 pm (UTC)

I see.

[translation: never]

Has Benfromlost arrived?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:23 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)

...CG-san should locate an apartment. Once there, you can choose a room..

Ah... are you alright, now?

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)

If you would just meet with me, I could show you.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:33 pm (UTC)

... [country... just say country... sigh]

I am not sure what to expect.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:46 pm (UTC)
1/3

[ YOU ARE ALL THE SAME TO HIM. You're a cluster of human society, so you're basically just a human with abnormal longevity.

Also I may as well take this moment to do a proper action tag Homestuck style. ]

(Reply) (Parent) (Link)

yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:48 pm (UTC)

With the help of your newest cohort, BENFROMLOST, and your HOMES SMELL YA LATER sickle, you manage to make your way out of the store of convenience. You've left behind a puddle of blood. Efforts to hide it were met with abysmal failure, as you seem to have only spread the puddle of your mutant lifejuice even more. Your failure brings yet more fury but no surprise.

Since the catbeast has torn up your already limited wardrobe, you have to go shirtless. At least you were able to use the shirt to help clean the blood spatter off of your being. Benfromlost is keeping the garment safely stored away in his pouch. The real Ben from Lost would never do such a thing for a young troll. You've pretty much hit the Prinny jackpot. Granted, he's still an annoying, stupid penguin, but at least he's cooperative. You'll surely repay his devotion with limited affection yet much possessive envy.

The bandages cover most of your torso, neck, and arms, so that's almost as good as wearing a shirt. Luckily none of your embarrassing blood has managed to seep through just yet. You limp your way outside to see...

Who's this douchebag?