yourgoddamnit - ( text ) Karkat: Turn stupid joke into game canon

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15 January 2011 @ 12:59 am

( text ) Karkat: Turn stupid joke into game canon

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE DISCO HELL --

CG: I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS FOR ALL THE HOSTAGE VICTIMS ACROSS THIS NOT SO GLORIOUS LAND.
CG: THE MONSTER ISN'T AN INDESTRUCTIBLE AND FRANKLY TERRIFYING FORCE FROM A UNIVERSE I'M FAMILIAR WITH.
CG: WELL IT CAUSED COLOSSAL DESTRUCTION TO MY UNIVERSE TOO BUT THAT'S A LONG STORY.
CG: IT'S JUST A NORMAL VICIOUS MONSTER.
CG: THE BAD NEWS IS YOU'RE STILL FUCKED BECAUSE IT IS ONE TOUGH BEAST.
CG: ON THAT SUBJECT
CG: IN A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION
CG: WHERE MIGHT I FIND BANDAGES/STITCHES/MEDICAL SUPPLIES AND SHELTER WITHOUT BEING SEEN BY A SINGLE SOUL?
CG: IF I HYPOTHETICALLY HAD TO BE SEEN I WOULD HYPOTHETICALLY RATHER BLEED TO DEATH AND WAIT TO COME BACK.
CG: I ALSO HYPOTHETICALLY ACQUIRED A TALKING FLIPPERBEAST.
CG: WAIT THAT'S A LIE THAT'S NOT HYPOTHETICAL AT ALL.
CG: I FOUND A FUCKING TALKING PENGUIN.
CG: IT KEEPS A SAYING "DOOD."
CG: HE'S ANNOYING AS ALL HELL BUT HE IS MINE. I HAVE NAMED HIM BENFROMLOST. I'M NOT SURE WHY.
CG: I DON'T HAVE PSYCHIC COMMUNING SKILLS AND YET I FEEL AS THOUGH THIS WAS MEANT TO BE.
CG: SOMETHING RIGHT IN THE UNIVERSE HAS JUST OCCURRED.
CG: I'M BOTH ENRAGED AND CONTENT.
CG: THIS IS A STRANGE MIXTURE OF EMOTIONS.
CG: I WOULD LIKE SOMEONE TO GIVE ADVICE ON MY HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION BEFORE I HYPOTHETICALLY DIE AND HYPOTHETICALLY HAVE TO GO ON A QUEST TO RETRIEVE BENFROMLOST AFTER MY REVIVAL.
CG: OR WORSE, CREATE A PARADOX TIME LINE IN WHICH I'M ALIVE, THEREBY CREATING ANOTHER ME.
CG: NO ONE WANTS THAT. NO ONE. ESPECIALLY NOT ME.

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:13 pm (UTC)

[ translation: BITCH BACK THE FUCK OFF. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:15 pm (UTC)

I see.

[translation: never]

Has Benfromlost arrived?

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:23 pm (UTC)

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:25 pm (UTC)

...CG-san should locate an apartment. Once there, you can choose a room..

Ah... are you alright, now?

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:29 pm (UTC)

If you would just meet with me, I could show you.

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:32 pm (UTC)

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:33 pm (UTC)

... [country... just say country... sigh]

I am not sure what to expect.

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:46 pm (UTC)
1/3

[ YOU ARE ALL THE SAME TO HIM. You're a cluster of human society, so you're basically just a human with abnormal longevity.

Also I may as well take this moment to do a proper action tag Homestuck style. ]

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:48 pm (UTC)

With the help of your newest cohort, BENFROMLOST, and your HOMES SMELL YA LATER sickle, you manage to make your way out of the store of convenience. You've left behind a puddle of blood. Efforts to hide it were met with abysmal failure, as you seem to have only spread the puddle of your mutant lifejuice even more. Your failure brings yet more fury but no surprise.

Since the catbeast has torn up your already limited wardrobe, you have to go shirtless. At least you were able to use the shirt to help clean the blood spatter off of your being. Benfromlost is keeping the garment safely stored away in his pouch. The real Ben from Lost would never do such a thing for a young troll. You've pretty much hit the Prinny jackpot. Granted, he's still an annoying, stupid penguin, but at least he's cooperative. You'll surely repay his devotion with limited affection yet much possessive envy.

The bandages cover most of your torso, neck, and arms, so that's almost as good as wearing a shirt. Luckily none of your embarrassing blood has managed to seep through just yet. You limp your way outside to see...

Who's this douchebag?

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 15th, 2011 11:57 pm (UTC)

At this point you don't even care if your appearance scares him off. Though, in all likelyhood, Japan isn't likely to scream in horror at the sight of a pubescent troll kid with candy corn-looking horns.

You stare at Country Japan. You have no idea what the fuck he's talking about with the country business, he looks like a regular human. Actually his eyes are a different shape than the other humans Karkat has encountered. Maybe that's the distinguishing feature.

Your voice is likely a raspy thing with a constant undercurrent of orneriness. This is a rough estimate from that whole "Having a Baby and the Baby is You" opera.

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:02 am (UTC)

[wow it's country Japan not douchebag Japan. WHO'S THE DOUCHEBAG?? REALLY???

Anyway Japan just stares. What.

oh. ...if you keep staring...

he's kind of cute.]

Ah, hello. [even little grey kids get a bow for a greeting. it's rude to ask if someone's horns are candy corn, right...? he just glances in another direction.]

It is not too far, so surely we can find you a room and you will be able to rest soon.

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:20 am (UTC)

[ Okay back to this I'm lazy. AND DOUCHEBAG IS PRACTICALLY ANOTHER TERM FOR "FELLOW" IN HIS LANGUAGE. Or something. You'll see.

Karkat, meanwhile, is limping in barely-contained agony and paranoia that he's going to start bleeding through the bandages soon. ]

[ HE'S TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO STARE but jeeze this is the first time he's meeting a human-like creature face to face. At least he's not Terezi. Then Japan would have to deal with sniffing and licking. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:23 am (UTC)

[LOL is it like sir. how kind. anyway Japan is trying so hard not to stare back, so it's not really noticed.]

Are you able to walk well enough? It is this way.

[gesturing with a hand]

It will be safe to live in and free from most attacks. Ah, and considering the rest of the city, it is the best place to stay. I will simply take you to the closest one...

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:38 am (UTC)

[ He winces, but doesn't complain to much. He's so used to getting stabbed he can't even bother whimpering. Still, even for a troll, he looks to be in bad shape. Paler than his normal grey and shaking slightly from the effort to keep walking/not pass out. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:41 am (UTC)

[staring at while frowning. considering just picking him up without asking, but. that is way too forward.]

I-indeed... There are some stores that are restocked by the scientists periodically, and some monsters are edible, as well. Water works in some of the apartments, at least...

[pause]

Ah... are you certain you can walk the entire way?

[I think for Japan helping other people is like therapy for himself or something, he's still bandaged up himself...]

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:53 am (UTC)

[ Karkat would probably freak out :( Meanwhile he just grunts noncommittally at the information. When Japan asks, Karkat manages to shoot him a glare. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 12:56 am (UTC)

...If you insist.

[wow pass out and you are getting so much nagging later.]

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 01:38 am (UTC)

[ HE CAN MANAGE!!! at least until he's inside. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 01:40 am (UTC)

...

Does CG-san prefer any sort of food?

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 02:05 am (UTC)

[ He chuckles a bit at the use of his tag-name in a real life situation, but he doesn't smile. Karkat doesn't smile. I think it's physically impossible for him. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 02:07 am (UTC)

[WELL JAPAN IS NOT SURE WHAT HIS REAL NAME he should probably ask. eventually. he just gives him a glance at that.]

I was going to offer preparing something before I left.

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 02:09 am (UTC)

[ I honestly have no ideas what the fuck trolls eat, except for Gamzee and Nepeta because they're weird. But anyway, have a suspicious stare. ]

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asideglance.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 02:11 am (UTC)

[casual fixing of his hair]

Ah, I do this quite often for those I know.

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yourgoddamnit.livejournal.com on January 16th, 2011 02:17 am (UTC)