yourgoddamnit (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
yourgoddamnit) wrote2011-12-27 05:27 pm
yourgoddamnit) wrote2011-12-27 05:27 pm
text;
BELATED GOOD WISHES FOR 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE.
I KNOW, SHOCKER THAT THE FIRST THING I TYPED WASN'T A SERIES OF FUCKWORDS STRUNG TOGETHER IN INCOHERENT RAGE.
ANYONE READING THIS BETTER SIT THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE THE SURPRISES ONLY CONTINUE
I'M ABOUT TO GET ALL SORTS OF SENTIMENTAL UP IN HERE.
WAIT LET ME GIVE PAUSE TO HATE MYSELF FOR USING THE PHRASE "UP IN HERE."
OKAY DONE.
NOW THAT I'VE SET UP THIS MEMO, I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHERE TO BEGIN.
THE EVENING WENT BY RELATIVELY PEACEFULLY AND GIFT EXCHANGE WENT SMOOTHLY.
FOR ONCE, I'M NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN.
I DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVE ANYTHING PERTAINING TO THIS HOLIDAY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT.
THAT NIGHT, I WAS THINKING BACK TO A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH KANAYA.
EVEN ADMIST THE CLUSTERFUCK OF OUR RESPECTIVE TIMELINES AND ALL THE SHIT THAT'S GONE DOWN SINCE
IT'S SORTA HARD TO FORGET THOSE KINDS OF MOMENTS.
I'D SAID THAT THE LAST TIME THAT I WAS HAPPY WAS 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE, BEFORE ALL THE STUFF WITH SBGRUB STARTED.
THAT WAS BACK WHEN MY LUSUS WAS STILL ALIVE AND ALTERNIA WASN'T ON THE BRINK OF DESTRUCTION.
AS FUCKING RETARDED AS THIS SOUNDS, I THINK IT WAS THE PEACE OF THE HOLIDAY THAT I ENJOYED.
THERE WASN'T ANY FUCKING WORRY OR OBLIGATIONS, IT WAS JUST ME AND MY LUSUS, AND THE OCCASIONAL WELL WISHES AND DEATH THREATS TO MY LEGION OF MORONIC FRIENDS.
BUT I WAS DEFINITELY HAPPY. I KNOW THAT MUCH.
THEN THE REALIZATION CAME THAT I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THAT EVER AGAIN.
NONE OF US ARE.
LOOKING BACK, I WANT TO SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF MY PAST SELF FOR NOT APPRECIATING THE SIMPLICITY OF HIS LIFE.
HE HAD AMBITION AND FUCKING ASPIRATIONS BEYOND SURVIVING TO THE NEXT DAY.
IT'S WEIRD TO THINK THAT I ACTUALLY HAD ASPIRATIONS FOR A FUTURE WHERE ALTERNIA WASN'T DESTROYED AND I COULD JOIN THE IMPERIAL ARMY.
BUT I SUPPOSE HINDSIGHT IS TRULY AN IRRITABLE BITCH.
I DON'T ENTIRELY RUE THE FACT THAT LIFE HAS SORTA GONE DOWN THE LOADGAPER, BUT I DEFINITELY REGRET THAT I HAD NO GODDAMN APPRECIATION FOR WHAT I HAD.
WHAT AN IGNORANT LITTLE FUCK I WAS.
LET ME REITERATE:
MY PAST SELF IS THE MOST JUVENILE, SORRY EXCUSE OF A SENTIENT CREATURE I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING.
IN THE SPIRIT OF MY UNAPPRECIATIVE PAST SELF, I'LL START BY APPRECIATING ONE GLORIOUS THING I HAVE NOW:
THE INABILITY FOR MY PAST SELF TO REPLY TO CURRENT AND FUTURE MEMOS.
SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT GUY.
SHIT I'M JUST JUMPING AROUND FROM SUBJECT TO SUBJECT HERE.
IS ANYONE EVEN READING THIS?
AT THIS POINT I ALMOST HOPE NOT.
I ACTUALLY JUST MOVED ROOMS SO THAT THE ASSHOLE IN THE LIVING ROOM WON'T SEE ME CHOKED UP.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I'M CRYING FOR AT THIS POINT.
I'VE DONE MY MOURNING FOR MY LUSUS AND, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, I DON'T THINK I'D RETURN TO ALTERNIA EVEN IF THE OPTION EXISTED.
SO... MAYBE I'M MOURNING MY OWN HAPPINESS.
THAT IS A SAD FUCKING STATE OF AFFAIRS, WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE SEWER.
I'M NOT THE PRINCE OF FUCKING HOPE, AND I'VE NEVER EXACTLY BEEN AN OPTIMIST.
REALISTICALLY IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE WHEN I'LL BE HAPPY NEXT.
AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THOSE FLEETING MOMENTS WHERE YOU FEEL ELATED AT CERTAIN EVENTS GOING IN YOUR FAVOR.
I MEAN THE ABILITY TO SIT AROUND AND THINK "LIFE'S NOT SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT."
IT'S NOT AN UNREASONABLE DESIRE.
THIS BRINGS ME TO MY FINAL THOUGHTS:
I KNOW WITH ALL THE DOOMED TIMELINES, THE SCRATCH, JACK NOIR, EVERYTHING GOING ON BACK IN OUR UNIVERSE THAT PROSPECTS LOOK PRETTY FUCKING GRIM AND IT'S THEREFORE UNDERSTANDABLE TO HAVE THE QUESTION OF WHEN I'LL BE HAPPY NEXT.
OR WHEN WE'LL BE HAPPY NEXT. ALL OF MY FRIENDS.
EXCEPT MAYBE JOHN BECAUSE HE HAS THIS WEIRD FUCKING ABILITY TO FIND LIGHT IN EVEN THE SHITTIEST CIRCUMSTANCES.
BUT ANYWAY
THE QUESTION AROSE OF WHETHER I CAN BE HAPPY HERE.
YES, I MEAN THIS TRAINWRECK OF A UNIVERSE.
AND... I DON'T KNOW, IT'S HARD TO MEASURE WHAT WILL MAKE THINGS ALRIGHT AGAIN GIVEN THE SITUATION BACK HOME IN ADDITION TO THE TRIALS OF BEING BROUGHT HERE.
BUT AS I SCAVENGED FOR GIFTS FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCKS
I SORTA HAD THIS FEELING OF PEACE AND CONTENTMENT.
CALL ME WEAK, BUT IT WAS NICE TO JUST LOOK FORWARD TO SPENDING TIME WITH WHAT CRAZY COMMPANIONS I HAVE HERE AND HAVE NO IMMEDIATE WORRIES.
NO TIMELINES TO ABIDE BY, NO PLANS TO SCROUNGE TOGETHER, NOTHING TO CAUSE ANY LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES.
SO
I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD REALLY BE HAPPY GIVEN ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF MY EXISTENCE
BUT THERE'S SOME EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME THAT DON'T FUCKING SUCK.
CONTENTMENT IS A GOOD MIDDLE GROUND.
GOTTA LOVE THE HOLIDAYS.
NOW THAT MY GANDERBULBS ARE DRYING AND MUCUS HAS CEASED TO POUR FORTH FROM MY OLFACTORY SENSILLA LIKE A RUPTURED ABSCESS BLEEDS TOXINS INTO THE BODY
I CAN REPORT ON THE TERRIBLE FINDING I STUMBLED UPON YESTERDAY.
AND BY THAT I MEAN I FOUND FRANCE.
WHOEVER'S LUSUS OR MATESPRIT HE IS, COME GET HIM AT MARSHALL 105.
HE'S SHEDDING HIS HUSK ALL OVER MY FUCKING FLOOR AND SPEAKING AT ME IN WORDS I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I TRIED LOOKING IN THAT HUMAN ANATOMY BOOK ABOUT WHETHER IT'S NORMAL OR NOT FOR HUMAN SKIN TO TURN BLACK AND PURPLE
BUT I GOT BORED SO I ASSUME THIS IS A NATURAL PART OF YOUR MOLTING PROCESS IN THE WINTER MONTHS.
JUST KEEP IT OUT OF MY HIVE.
ALSO EMPIRE OF THE RISING SANDWICH FACTORY,
I THINK HE'S HUNGRY. I HAVEN'T REALLY FED HIM SINCE HE'S NOT MY LUSUS.
IF YOU'RE IN THE VICINITY, GIVE HIM SOME OF THAT MISO SHIT
AND MAKE SURE YOU GUARD THE FOOD.
THERE IS A RAVENOUS SHEMONSTER THAT EATS FUCKING EVERYTHING IN THIS HIVE.
IF I DISAPPEAR ONE DAY, CHECK HER GULLET.
(( OOC: apologies about any layout difficulties! a backup post at Dreamwidth is here in case anyone is more comfortable responding there/since it's easier to read there )))
I KNOW, SHOCKER THAT THE FIRST THING I TYPED WASN'T A SERIES OF FUCKWORDS STRUNG TOGETHER IN INCOHERENT RAGE.
ANYONE READING THIS BETTER SIT THE FUCK DOWN BECAUSE THE SURPRISES ONLY CONTINUE
I'M ABOUT TO GET ALL SORTS OF SENTIMENTAL UP IN HERE.
WAIT LET ME GIVE PAUSE TO HATE MYSELF FOR USING THE PHRASE "UP IN HERE."
OKAY DONE.
NOW THAT I'VE SET UP THIS MEMO, I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHERE TO BEGIN.
THE EVENING WENT BY RELATIVELY PEACEFULLY AND GIFT EXCHANGE WENT SMOOTHLY.
FOR ONCE, I'M NOT GOING TO COMPLAIN.
I DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVE ANYTHING PERTAINING TO THIS HOLIDAY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT.
THAT NIGHT, I WAS THINKING BACK TO A CONVERSATION I HAD WITH KANAYA.
EVEN ADMIST THE CLUSTERFUCK OF OUR RESPECTIVE TIMELINES AND ALL THE SHIT THAT'S GONE DOWN SINCE
IT'S SORTA HARD TO FORGET THOSE KINDS OF MOMENTS.
I'D SAID THAT THE LAST TIME THAT I WAS HAPPY WAS 12TH PERIGEE'S EVE, BEFORE ALL THE STUFF WITH SBGRUB STARTED.
THAT WAS BACK WHEN MY LUSUS WAS STILL ALIVE AND ALTERNIA WASN'T ON THE BRINK OF DESTRUCTION.
AS FUCKING RETARDED AS THIS SOUNDS, I THINK IT WAS THE PEACE OF THE HOLIDAY THAT I ENJOYED.
THERE WASN'T ANY FUCKING WORRY OR OBLIGATIONS, IT WAS JUST ME AND MY LUSUS, AND THE OCCASIONAL WELL WISHES AND DEATH THREATS TO MY LEGION OF MORONIC FRIENDS.
BUT I WAS DEFINITELY HAPPY. I KNOW THAT MUCH.
THEN THE REALIZATION CAME THAT I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THAT EVER AGAIN.
NONE OF US ARE.
LOOKING BACK, I WANT TO SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF MY PAST SELF FOR NOT APPRECIATING THE SIMPLICITY OF HIS LIFE.
HE HAD AMBITION AND FUCKING ASPIRATIONS BEYOND SURVIVING TO THE NEXT DAY.
IT'S WEIRD TO THINK THAT I ACTUALLY HAD ASPIRATIONS FOR A FUTURE WHERE ALTERNIA WASN'T DESTROYED AND I COULD JOIN THE IMPERIAL ARMY.
BUT I SUPPOSE HINDSIGHT IS TRULY AN IRRITABLE BITCH.
I DON'T ENTIRELY RUE THE FACT THAT LIFE HAS SORTA GONE DOWN THE LOADGAPER, BUT I DEFINITELY REGRET THAT I HAD NO GODDAMN APPRECIATION FOR WHAT I HAD.
WHAT AN IGNORANT LITTLE FUCK I WAS.
LET ME REITERATE:
MY PAST SELF IS THE MOST JUVENILE, SORRY EXCUSE OF A SENTIENT CREATURE I HAVE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF BEING.
IN THE SPIRIT OF MY UNAPPRECIATIVE PAST SELF, I'LL START BY APPRECIATING ONE GLORIOUS THING I HAVE NOW:
THE INABILITY FOR MY PAST SELF TO REPLY TO CURRENT AND FUTURE MEMOS.
SERIOUSLY, FUCK THAT GUY.
SHIT I'M JUST JUMPING AROUND FROM SUBJECT TO SUBJECT HERE.
IS ANYONE EVEN READING THIS?
AT THIS POINT I ALMOST HOPE NOT.
I ACTUALLY JUST MOVED ROOMS SO THAT THE ASSHOLE IN THE LIVING ROOM WON'T SEE ME CHOKED UP.
I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHAT I'M CRYING FOR AT THIS POINT.
I'VE DONE MY MOURNING FOR MY LUSUS AND, ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, I DON'T THINK I'D RETURN TO ALTERNIA EVEN IF THE OPTION EXISTED.
SO... MAYBE I'M MOURNING MY OWN HAPPINESS.
THAT IS A SAD FUCKING STATE OF AFFAIRS, WHEN YOU CAN'T SEE THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE SEWER.
I'M NOT THE PRINCE OF FUCKING HOPE, AND I'VE NEVER EXACTLY BEEN AN OPTIMIST.
REALISTICALLY IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE WHEN I'LL BE HAPPY NEXT.
AND I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THOSE FLEETING MOMENTS WHERE YOU FEEL ELATED AT CERTAIN EVENTS GOING IN YOUR FAVOR.
I MEAN THE ABILITY TO SIT AROUND AND THINK "LIFE'S NOT SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT."
IT'S NOT AN UNREASONABLE DESIRE.
THIS BRINGS ME TO MY FINAL THOUGHTS:
I KNOW WITH ALL THE DOOMED TIMELINES, THE SCRATCH, JACK NOIR, EVERYTHING GOING ON BACK IN OUR UNIVERSE THAT PROSPECTS LOOK PRETTY FUCKING GRIM AND IT'S THEREFORE UNDERSTANDABLE TO HAVE THE QUESTION OF WHEN I'LL BE HAPPY NEXT.
OR WHEN WE'LL BE HAPPY NEXT. ALL OF MY FRIENDS.
EXCEPT MAYBE JOHN BECAUSE HE HAS THIS WEIRD FUCKING ABILITY TO FIND LIGHT IN EVEN THE SHITTIEST CIRCUMSTANCES.
BUT ANYWAY
THE QUESTION AROSE OF WHETHER I CAN BE HAPPY HERE.
YES, I MEAN THIS TRAINWRECK OF A UNIVERSE.
AND... I DON'T KNOW, IT'S HARD TO MEASURE WHAT WILL MAKE THINGS ALRIGHT AGAIN GIVEN THE SITUATION BACK HOME IN ADDITION TO THE TRIALS OF BEING BROUGHT HERE.
BUT AS I SCAVENGED FOR GIFTS FOR YOU UNGRATEFUL FUCKS
I SORTA HAD THIS FEELING OF PEACE AND CONTENTMENT.
CALL ME WEAK, BUT IT WAS NICE TO JUST LOOK FORWARD TO SPENDING TIME WITH WHAT CRAZY COMMPANIONS I HAVE HERE AND HAVE NO IMMEDIATE WORRIES.
NO TIMELINES TO ABIDE BY, NO PLANS TO SCROUNGE TOGETHER, NOTHING TO CAUSE ANY LONG-TERM CONSEQUENCES.
SO
I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD REALLY BE HAPPY GIVEN ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF MY EXISTENCE
BUT THERE'S SOME EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME THAT DON'T FUCKING SUCK.
CONTENTMENT IS A GOOD MIDDLE GROUND.
GOTTA LOVE THE HOLIDAYS.
NOW THAT MY GANDERBULBS ARE DRYING AND MUCUS HAS CEASED TO POUR FORTH FROM MY OLFACTORY SENSILLA LIKE A RUPTURED ABSCESS BLEEDS TOXINS INTO THE BODY
I CAN REPORT ON THE TERRIBLE FINDING I STUMBLED UPON YESTERDAY.
AND BY THAT I MEAN I FOUND FRANCE.
WHOEVER'S LUSUS OR MATESPRIT HE IS, COME GET HIM AT MARSHALL 105.
HE'S SHEDDING HIS HUSK ALL OVER MY FUCKING FLOOR AND SPEAKING AT ME IN WORDS I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I TRIED LOOKING IN THAT HUMAN ANATOMY BOOK ABOUT WHETHER IT'S NORMAL OR NOT FOR HUMAN SKIN TO TURN BLACK AND PURPLE
BUT I GOT BORED SO I ASSUME THIS IS A NATURAL PART OF YOUR MOLTING PROCESS IN THE WINTER MONTHS.
JUST KEEP IT OUT OF MY HIVE.
ALSO EMPIRE OF THE RISING SANDWICH FACTORY,
I THINK HE'S HUNGRY. I HAVEN'T REALLY FED HIM SINCE HE'S NOT MY LUSUS.
IF YOU'RE IN THE VICINITY, GIVE HIM SOME OF THAT MISO SHIT
AND MAKE SURE YOU GUARD THE FOOD.
THERE IS A RAVENOUS SHEMONSTER THAT EATS FUCKING EVERYTHING IN THIS HIVE.
IF I DISAPPEAR ONE DAY, CHECK HER GULLET.
(( OOC: apologies about any layout difficulties! a backup post at Dreamwidth is here in case anyone is more comfortable responding there/since it's easier to read there )))
open to anyone threadjacking if Jenna's okay with it!
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Francis?
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Excusez-moi, Angleterre.
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Nothing happened.
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[England grabs his hands and examines them carefully for any signs of frostbite.] Honestly.
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As Karkat storms out, he doesn't even look at Rosemary at first. Instead, he hangs an old (and barely smelling) car air freshener around France's neck. ]
[ Before France can retort, Karkat gives him a hard, back-handed slap across the face. ]
[ At which point he finally notices Rosemary. He drops his scowl long enough to try to not look upset or pissed off, since he actually has nothing against her. ]
[ This is where most normal people would say something like "nice to meet you," but Karkat has never been good at non-abrasive introductions, so he just shifts awkwardly. ]
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Non. We do not eat frogs. The common dish in various regions is that of a frog's leg--or legs. The English--the country she represents--they are too stupid to distinguish a leg from an entire creature, so they gave my people the intended-to-be derogatory nickname 'frog.'
As for reform-- -- I have already taken care of that. If you want me to demonstrate French reform, I could cut off your head and spare the rest of us more of your ignorant screeching.
I am going home.
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[ He doesn't budge in the face of the threat. Until France actually follows through with an astounding lack of mercy (possibly followed by kissing the severed heads), Karkat won't start running down the halls in fear. It's nothing he hasn't seen before. Or, well, will see. ]
[ He scowls more, turning to Rosemary. ]
[ Because ohhhh does he have a rant for you. A rant that I typed up and totally forgot France was speaking French. ]
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Yes, yes, I'm her. [Drops France's hand and starts looking the rest of him up and down, checking him over.] He said that he's an utter twit and that he's heading home to bundle up, get some rest and let someone halfway competent look after him since he's incapable of doing so himself. [All of that in four words!]
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I am-- --going home.
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Wait, you need another blanket! [How many blankets does he need?! Whatever, she's following him.]
HEY OZ do you wanna do the rest in another thread
Merci, monsieur Vantas! You are very kind, even if you have anger problems. Happy 12th Perigree's Eve. I will pay you back for the assistance when I am able.
(no subject)
YEP. and MEANWHILE, EARLIER IN THE EVENING...
YAY
Take the food. You will need the energy if you talk this much instead of just doing the things about which you're bitching.
--And I do not need to be picked up.
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She is adamant about helping everyone.
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[ he rolls his eyes ]
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Oh, let us help this nation because he is an idiot, let us insult him and pretend we are better than him. Fuck that! You should have left me in the snow. You are awarded no points for assisting someone with that kind of attitude.
--It's called frostbite. The cells in the skin begin to die. I have endured worse. Eighty thousand dead, the rest marching on feet they cannot feel. It was not really my decision...
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[ He doesn't, however, launch into a detailed rant about the whole experience. More than anything he wants to lash out at France again because he finds the man so fucking infuriating, but instead he makes a strangled, angry noise and storms off to the kitchen to make him some of Nepeta's leftover tea. ]
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No you didn't!~
Maybe in your universe, or whatever. I don't care to keep these timelines and parallel universes straight.
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Merci. That means 'thank you'. I dislike your attitude, not what you did. Merde. Learn the difference and think before you run that fanged mouth--or before you slam a cup of hot tea down in frustration and burn yourself with it.
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[ He stops sucking on the burn, muttering as he goes to get medical supplies. It's audible but he's obviously talking to himself. ]